But screw all that, Eeyore, because the mother effing wineberries are here.
What are wineberries, you say?!
These beautiful things.
This is what we call hunter-gatherer porn.
Wineberries, AKA Japanese Wineberries, are a wild-growing relative of the raspberry that taste like success and harmony with the universe. The vines can grow up to nine feet in the proper location and have delicate red spines. They grow best in partial sun. Unlike the raspberry, wineberries are brighter, shinier, and have hard seeds. The season for wineberries is criminally short, a few weeks between late June and early July, sometimes mid-July. The wineberry is an invasive species to the eastern States, but pretty much nobody complains or cares about that, because these things are more delicious than any hyperbole the best English professors can come up with.
Okay, seriously, if you want a single-word description of what they taste like, I'd have to say HOLYCOWLEVELRAAAAUUGHSFKDGJHEWAUIDSKJHDF "Jazzy."
We have a huge group of vines that are growing very enthusiastically in an old compost pile in full/partial sun. For the past week I've been picking from them, and guys, this year is a freakin BUMPER CROP. I currently have 2 lbs of berries picked over the course of 4 days and tomorrow I am going to be baking a pie out of it. We probably still have another 2-4 lbs of berries coming in!
Anyway, if you have some wineberries in your area, I have suggestions from 11+ years of berry picking!
Wear jeans and boots.
Most wineberry plants will be found in the woods or along the perimeter of woods, as they grow best in partial shade. Therefore, in order to get the most bang for your buck, you're going to want to do some adventuring. Long pants and boots are great protection from the plants' spines and from ticks/mosquitos/poison ivy.
Smaller berries = tarter berries
Small, compact berries are okay, but most tend to be tarter in flavor and have a smaller flesh-to-seed ratio than bigger, plumper berries - even when super ripe!
Darker berries = sweeter berries
Especially true for berries of a large size, letting the berries ripen to a very dark red ensures that they will be the sweetest they possibly can. However, there's a fine line between a sweet wineberry and a wineberry that's lost all of its jazz. The best berries, in my opinion, still have some brightness to them.
Loose berries versus compact berries
Wineberries appear to have a scale of compactness. The most compact berries tend to be smaller and are always tarter, and usually found where the plants have competition with grasses. The average berry has a good level of plumpness and holding-together-ness. Some berries have massive levels of flesh around the seeds, and these do not hold together very well at all. These berries are almost always sweet, but they do not preserve very well and often get squished in your fingers when you pick them. I don't personally pick these berries for that reason, but depending on your taste, you may like them.
Do not be afraid of vegetation
On especially bountiful plants, many of the best groups of berries are found deep within a maze of thorny shoots and other vines/plants. You may have to step on some of the neighboring plants and move some thorny vegetation in order to maximize your harvest. They'll grow back, I promise.
Do not disturb the spiders
Wineberries attract certain nymphs that may or may not be related to aphids. When picking the berries you'll see alot of them - don't be afraid, they are easily crushed or flicked off. Many spiders flock to larger plant sites because of the abundance of these squishy guys. I always take care not to rip up or disturb a spider's web for this reason. The plants in our yard have few pests because there are numerous spiders and daddy longlegs chillin out in their leaves.
...Although it's totally cool to freak the f**k out if one of those gigantic garden spiders from hell decided to make its human-sized web around the berries you've mentally claimed.
SATAN.
Be careful with stinkbugs
Wineberries are also a favorite of the dreaded stinkbug. When you see a group of berries with a stinkbug around it, quickly flick the bug off and inspect the odor of the berries. If any of them have the strong scent of stinkbug stank on them, DO NOT use them for ANYTHING. You will probably never get the flavor out.
Refrigerating
A general rule of thumb with everything that you put in your belly is that the fresher it is, the better. Wineberries can be refrigerated for up to three days, but I don't suggest much past that. The berries begin to get mushy and the bold zing that they once had starts to be replaced with the flavor of refrigerator. Nobody wants to eat refrigerator.
So yeah, that's all I got right now for the wineberries. Stay tuned for food porn when I start making stuff out of my pounds and pounds of berries!
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